the truth and reality (red lipstick)

I was laying in bed the other night, my mind was wandering.
I want to wear red lipstick.
A rational person would think to not waste good money on a tube of lipstick, because when would they have that special occasion to wear it?
No. I'm not getting out of bed, putting on clothes, going to Walgreens and buying red lipstick. That would be crazy. The bed is my cocoon, where I feel safe and normal.
Yet, I found myself peeling myself out of the covers and disguising my pajamas to look like real clothes. My impromptu irrational decisions haven't failed me yet.
I think I wore red lipstick to bed that night.

This morning I went cruising through the zoo. I like going in the morning, because that's when all the animals wake up. The flamingos are always sleeping though.
An eight year old girl stops me. I take off my earphones.
"I love your lipstick."

My life has become that tube of lipstick.
The reality is that a normal person doesn't wear red lipstick to the zoo. The truth is, I do. The reality is I need to go to graduate school and start a career. The truth is I'm terrified of settling down. I don't even want to commit to a job that lasts longer than four months (and for those next four months I'll be selling fruit baskets and decorative holiday cookies to rich people on Oak Street. Watch out, world. Here I come).

The reality is, I should have taken that office job. The truth is, I didn't want it. Reality: people dress up in suits, go to work, sit in meetings, and every day is the same. Truth: I don't ever want that to happen to me.

What if I hadn't gotten out of bed at 10 at night to get that red lipstick? Well, I wouldn't have gotten stopped at the zoo, and I would have $7 more dollars than I do now. What if I go to school and settle down? What happens if I miss that chance to live somewhere exotic like California or Paris? What if going to school and starting a career is my way of thinking that I can't move that far away? Maybe I'm scared. Of both. It's scary to think about that outside world, beyond my bed. It's scary to think I won't be able to see it if I stay.

Reality: People wouldn't spend $7 on red lipstick, but rather something that they need, like food. Truth: I'm eating ramen noodles and peanut butter for dinner, but do I feel better that I'll be wearing lipstick during the process? Yes. Reality: People wouldn't put aside their careers so they could live in Paris. Truth: I would work a meaningless job for the rest of my life if I could live in Paris. All I have to do is climb out of bed first.

times are hard for dreamers

sunset (lincoln park)

Sorry for my lack of updates. I'd like to be able to tell you that I've been so busy, living life to the fullest....but. I found Pushing Daisies on instant watch on Netflix, and well, priorities.

what i ate, no. 1

I've been taking pictures of my food lately (not sure why?) but this dinner probably takes the cake: ramen noodles, grapes, Fritos, peanut butter toast. Not pictured: Pickle that I ate for dessert. The luxuries of living alone.

down&up

Instead of doing anything real yesterday, I stayed at home and busied myself by cleaning and finally unpacking. It seemed to me that this was productive, so now all of my belongings have a home.

Unfortunately, I haven't had much social interaction lately, and after a spectacular job interview which I have not heard anything since, and then spending the day all by myself, I became downright depressed. I became a bit homesick, wishing I wasn't surrounded by concrete. I even woke up in this mood, which is never good. Did I make the right decision, coming to Chicago? Why didn't I stay in my comfy cocoon that I had made in Ohio? Why can't a get a job? Why can't I make friends?

Since the lake is to the east, you can't really watch the sun set, but you can watch the moon rise. It's a good place to think.

Yes. I did make the right decision. Chicago is wonderful. Ohio didn't have anything left for me, but that doesn't mean I can't miss it every once in awhile. I knew I would be lonely when I got here, it was all part of the risk. The job will come in time, and maybe I'll make friends there. I just miss my regular friends--I just want to skip the awkwardness and get to the part where they know me. I wish those friends were here. I don't want to talk about my degree that's useless or my siblings. I want to gossip and talk about shitty art made by our peers. I want to sit in Lowry with a tumbler full of gin and eat chicken nuggets (more like, I'm tired of cooking for myself). Or be sitting in the middle of a corn field playing a bootleg version of a board game. But watching the city slowly come to life is good too.

september twenty-second

job interviews & tv

I always feel so important on my job interviews. They all have been downtown Chicago, and I feel like a real person. But then I remember how lame I am when I had a countdown for the season premiere of Glee. (!!!!)

weekend

When I left home, I made a vow to myself that I would never waste another day of my life. Today when I was out jogging, there was a sudden downpour. My initial reaction was to get upset (it was definitely sunny when I left the apartment!), but after looking around, seeing all the other people on trail just go on, seeing the rain clouds slowly creep around the skyscrapers, and noticing the lake being so calm when I expected it to not be, I realized I couldn't feel anything else but happy in that moment. I'm glad I'm making good on my promise.

lincoln park zoo

Merp.

lakeside (part II)

lakeside

After spending what seemed like forever applying for jobs, I only managed to send in 10 applications. Seriously. How is that even possible? I needed to not look at a computer for awhile. Good thing I have a place.

wisconsin

Lord knows I love Milwaukee.

And you too, Chicago.

morning jog

My morning jogs in Chicago are much more visually interesting than the screen of my treadmill.

"let's hit it"

So, since Joe was so kind to take me on two rides in the Weinermobile (last night and this morning), I just had to have two days dedicated to this joyous event. I mean, how could I not?
I had never seen the Weinermobile in person before. It's like, one of those things that you hear about, but you don't believe it exists. Well, my friends, it does exist, and it's amazing.

Joe and his partner Andrea are currently on the Midwest team, but in January they'll change partners and regions. Joe had told me that 1,200 people applied, and 12 were hired, which is just insane. But Joe is one of those people who can do anything (he worked at Space Camp before this. C'mon! Space Camp!). I'm so lucky to have such cool friends.

We spent a fun day at the zoo, and made dinner in my apartment (my first dinner guests!), watched Arrested Development, and then I went back with them to their hotel and took a ride in the Hot Dog (icing on the cake: during the hour and a half train ride to the hotel near O'Hare, I got to talk to Baby Besl). Hands down, one of my more fun days in the past year (/life, whatever).

for those who are wondering...

This is what my apartment looks like.

When all the leaves fall off the trees, I'll be able to see the Chicago skyline from my window. It will be awesome.

Close up of my "fun" wall. And TV. Joe and I watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off- it was fitting.

So yeah, my apartment is still kind of looking like shit. I still have a lot of organizing and decorating to do. If you want to see the rest, you'll just have to come and visit... :)