the truth and reality (red lipstick)

I was laying in bed the other night, my mind was wandering.
I want to wear red lipstick.
A rational person would think to not waste good money on a tube of lipstick, because when would they have that special occasion to wear it?
No. I'm not getting out of bed, putting on clothes, going to Walgreens and buying red lipstick. That would be crazy. The bed is my cocoon, where I feel safe and normal.
Yet, I found myself peeling myself out of the covers and disguising my pajamas to look like real clothes. My impromptu irrational decisions haven't failed me yet.
I think I wore red lipstick to bed that night.

This morning I went cruising through the zoo. I like going in the morning, because that's when all the animals wake up. The flamingos are always sleeping though.
An eight year old girl stops me. I take off my earphones.
"I love your lipstick."

My life has become that tube of lipstick.
The reality is that a normal person doesn't wear red lipstick to the zoo. The truth is, I do. The reality is I need to go to graduate school and start a career. The truth is I'm terrified of settling down. I don't even want to commit to a job that lasts longer than four months (and for those next four months I'll be selling fruit baskets and decorative holiday cookies to rich people on Oak Street. Watch out, world. Here I come).

The reality is, I should have taken that office job. The truth is, I didn't want it. Reality: people dress up in suits, go to work, sit in meetings, and every day is the same. Truth: I don't ever want that to happen to me.

What if I hadn't gotten out of bed at 10 at night to get that red lipstick? Well, I wouldn't have gotten stopped at the zoo, and I would have $7 more dollars than I do now. What if I go to school and settle down? What happens if I miss that chance to live somewhere exotic like California or Paris? What if going to school and starting a career is my way of thinking that I can't move that far away? Maybe I'm scared. Of both. It's scary to think about that outside world, beyond my bed. It's scary to think I won't be able to see it if I stay.

Reality: People wouldn't spend $7 on red lipstick, but rather something that they need, like food. Truth: I'm eating ramen noodles and peanut butter for dinner, but do I feel better that I'll be wearing lipstick during the process? Yes. Reality: People wouldn't put aside their careers so they could live in Paris. Truth: I would work a meaningless job for the rest of my life if I could live in Paris. All I have to do is climb out of bed first.