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I guess I'm upset.
I did want to go...I think.
I'm not sure. I really wanted some direction in life, and I was hoping that a MFA program would help me out on that front. Now I'm back to square one. No school. No job. Is there something wrong with me? I'm really sad about it. But really, I'm not.
I'm confused.
Maybe photography isn't my future. I mean, I barely take pictures anymore, nor do I get the same joy out of it that I once did. I'm not sure what makes me happy these days.
I don't mean for this post to be a pity party for me or anything. I'm oddly okay with my life being in the shitter. I'm just thinking out loud, excuse me. I suppose I just focus on the wonderful people that I have in my life (which includes a new group of middle-aged individuals who I connect with much better than anyone my own age). I think about that if I never came here, I wouldn't have met them. And I don't know what I would do without them.
If you've noticed my other favorite theme, Mumford and Sons, I'll elaborate on that too. I bought that album when I came to Chicago, and I don't think a day has gone by without listening to it. "After the Storm" has gotten me though my toughest times here (which mainly have occurred during this horrible, rotten, no good month). I'm not sure what I would do without it. Does anyone else feel this way with songs? I should pay my respects for it, somehow.
Music often speaks the words that we cannot find. And I finna hug the shit out of you Friday.
ReplyDeleteI keep telling myself that all the things that haven't worked out just weren't the right things for me (ie, all the damn jobs I've been applying for and not getting interviewed for) and that something better is going to come along. I really think it's true, but it's definitely not fun.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could get a job in retail, then become a fashion merchandiser for someplace cool...that's what I envision you doing if you don't end up doing photography for a career. (But I could be way off. I hear zoos start hiring this time of year for their warm-season jobs...)
<3
You know, Rachel, it's funny that you say that, because that was my plan for when I came to Chicago and why I took a retail job in the first place. My current place of employment isn't doing so hot, nor do I want to sell specialty chocolates for the rest of my life, but I am hoping to get another retail job at a clothing store (hopefully UO or Anthropologie). Things are looking up for the both of us, I can feel it! :)
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